Life in the 20s

- Listening to Britney Spears in the subway before signing a new client -

This sentence is exactly how I would summarize my life as a 23 years old woman.

Why did I end up in this situation? Actually, last week I was listening “Work bitch” to get some motivation before starting the day and I was thinking about the sense of my life. Couldn’t find a lot of answer.

I’ve always know where I wanted to go: when I was at school I wanted to integrate a good highschool, then a top university, then get a master, eventually moving abroad, and finally taking a job that would be challenging, interesting and able to provide nice incomes. After a lot of struggles, happy moments, depression and pride, I arrived where I am now… but what is next? no idea. The end goal was to be successful but I don’t even know how to define this word.

When I look around, I either see people studying, living with their parents, or independent guys with a life completely different, which most of the time didn’t involve studies. So, let's drop the comparison.

At least I know what I don’t want. After five years spent at university I’m, for sure, done with this. That’s probably why I started working quite early. This young adult life is amazing: you work your ass off during the week but there is no homework and weekends are composed of parties, sport, friends and whatever you want. On the down side, you deal with taxes, insurances, rent, administrative papers (a lot for those who live abroad) and every chores related to the simple fact of being financially independent.

As a result, society treats me like an adult. My ambitions and my daily life push me to act like an adult. But somehow I still feel like a kid.

Even if I love reading essays about psychology and philosophy, this article won’t be a whole thesis of how to feel in your 20s, because honestly I don’t know. So hopefully you will be able to relate to a few things or at least spend a nice moment reading this in the subway, in the plane, on the toilets, anyway.

This difficulty to find the right place is probably coming from the “in between two phases”. The years behind you were related to a personal growth. That's why you went to school, did some bullshit during parties and met a lot of people, in order to define what you like and what you don’t. Whereas, the next step is a sort of long way to death consisting in building things that are supposed to last for the rest of your life: evolving in your work, buying a house, finding a partner and maybe creating a family.

There is no rule regarding the moment you should end the first period and the moment you need to start the second. That’s the reason "20s people" have a little bit of trouble finding their place.

As an adult, you better be responsible. Therefore, all the things connected to your ability to maintain a balanced lifestyle should be understood, just like managing your finance and having an idea on how to be independent. However, knowing exactly what job suits you is not really necessary.

It’s quite logical to struggle a lot during this period, because so many things are new.

If my parents read this article and realise that I’m stressing to comply with all the administrative and tax regulations, they will probably laugh, because it looks so easy for them, while I could stare 45 minutes at an email from the consulate of Amsterdam wondering what the f they want.

From a relationship point of view, young adults (this wording sounds super boring) also wonder about “the right timing”: when should I start dating seriously, what is the best age to have kids, when to buy an apartment etc; or maybe, no one thinks about it and this is just me and my weird thoughts.

If we try to sum up: the compliance to the public regulations doesn’t really require a long reflection. You must act: do whatever the institutions tell you to do. On the other side, the personal thoughts about life management give more room to think and you can definitely take time to assess what you would like to prioritise.

But the “working at the office situation” is my biggest ?!#%à?3&?+ (no translation, it’s a feeling). People trust and give responsibilities. I have to be able to advise a person, that could be my dad, and explain why we should choose this strategy more than another. When I just started my first full time job, I was wondering if it was really my role to give certain instructions. However, by doing and listening opinions of experienced co-workers with sometimes different backgrounds I understood that I was here for a reason. I have a place well deserved. Even if it can feel strange, it’s important to stay confident and work according to your ideas crossed with constructive opinions of managers, colleagues, company’s ambition and client’s expectations.

That working life also comes with good and bad days, rewards and stress, nice people and others that want to drag you down, but after all, we already lived similar situations before; and if you know your personality, you know how you are most likely to react under circumstances.

That’s also why, it is, in my opinion, important to know yourself quite well before taking bold decisions such as moving abroad, being financially independent… because you will need to know your value, your strength and your degree of self-confidence.

You also learn these things by acting, taking risks, pushing your limits : go out of your comfort zone as much as possible. Life is not supposed to be fair or easy so it’s better to start asap.

Of course it’s important to think about the consequences of your actions, but sometimes we overthink. It’s ok to eat a pizza - drink too much then spend the day at the gym - to take a day off - to ask for advice to people of your firm, especially if they have more experience - you won’t look stupid, you also have knowledge in things they probably know nothing about - and if you don’t feel valued, leave, you will find a better place to grow - that’s also fine to know faster how to write a contract than how to dress up in the morning - to hesitate less on which kind of apartment you want to rent than on which kind of movie you want to watch on Netflix.

So, go, don’t overthink it, listen Britney in the subway because it has 0 consequence except giving you a lot of motivation to do the job that precisely has consequences (but you got this).

J.T