Cracking the Code: Why Princesses Love Assh*les and Girl Bosses Attract Mama's Boys?

Navigating the landscape of love and relationships is a journey filled with twists, turns and unexpected detours. From nice guys to bad boys, manly men to mama’s boys, women often find themselves drawn to a myriad of male archetypes, each presenting its own set of challenges and rewards. How to avoid falling for the wrong one? In this article, we’ll delve into the psychology of love, exploring women personalities and their (questionable) choices in men.

This article is based on personal experiences and studies of human behaviours made during my spare time, leading to potential generality for understanding purposes. It is easier to find yourself in one of the two characters I will describe in order to understand the choices you make consciously or unconsciously.

Over the past few years, I noticed two main types of young women around me when it comes to love: the romantic princess and the unapologetic girl boss.

The first character typically grew up in a traditional feminine energy, probably influenced by the old family model in which the man provide financial support and the mother cares about the house and children, taking an emotional support role. In this case, the woman radiates compassion and empathy, prioritizing nurturing connections and emotional well-being over working opportunties.

The second character grew up looking up to strong independent women influencing political and business decisions with their face on the cover of Forbes. Here, the woman exudes confidence and assertiveness, emphasizing ambition and achievement over emotional connections and nurturing relationships.

Let’s have a look to historical influence and education to understand how girls are raised and tend to become the first or the second character.  

Historical influence

Back in the day, when men were allowed to work and women were assigned to domestic duties, the gender roles were really distinct with certain qualities attributed to each of them. Women were perceived with “light feminine energy” – kind, sweet, nurturing, emphatic, graceful but also more naïve due to the limited access to education and exclusion from intellectual and business activities. Conversely, men were expected to embody strength and intellectual prowess with less emphasis placed on emotional skills.

However, the situation of women changed for the best, since they were entitled few decades ago to have the same rights and liberties. Society began to discover the natural women’s qualities and personality traits. Indeed, while some women resonate with the qualities of “light feminine energy”, a significant portion aspire to pursue careers, develop their intellectual skills to match their ambitions, aligning them with a “dark feminine energy” which was deemed “masculine energy”.

The shifting landscape has not only benefited to women, giving them more possibilities regarding their future, it also prompted a re-evaluation of  men education. Without the pressure to be the financial support of a family, they allowed themselves to rest, enjoy life more and explore their emotional side.

Education influence

Education plays a role in the development of light or dark feminine energy. A mother is the first role model of her daughter. Consider, a young girl raised by a girl boss mom who manages career and motherhood simultaneously: growing up, she learns that both professional success and nurturing relationships are achievable and components of a fulfilling life, even if the balance can be challenging. She looks up to women influencing the world’s decision-making processes, aspiring to follow their footsteps and make her own mark on the world.

On the other hand, if a girl is raised by a housewife, she sees the importance of relationships over ambitions and intellectual development. The model presented to her is using only half of her potential, instilling a belief that fulfilment is found primarily through domesticity rather than professional achievement.

Education is not only made by parents, it can be influenced by network and diverse media. For instance, children’s movies evolved a lot: from Disney princess in the 90s where the narrative often revolved around girls unable to be successful on their own, awaiting rescue by a prince charming to find happiness, to the contemporary films like Cars or Rebel, which depict women as competitive, independent and capable of charting their own course in life, without throwing romance out of their life.

Anyway, the little girls born at the end of the 90s are growing, becoming women and making choices regarding their work and their relationships. Our princess romantic character may find herself placing greater importance on love than on her career, while the girl boss will have the opposite balance.  

Light feminine energy in relationships

Why women having light feminine energy end up with bad boys?

It's a puzzle that begs for answers. They're the ones who exude warmth and kindness, seeking harmony and connection in their relationships. So why do they seem to gravitate towards guys who are, let's face it, not exactly prince charming material?

Well, it's all about balance. Romantic girls radiate a gentle, feminine energy, and what they seek in a partner is someone who can complement that with strength and assertiveness. Enter the classic asshole – brash, confident, and unapologetically masculine. Despite his rough edges, there's an undeniable allure to his arrogance, a sense of security in his unwavering confidence.

Perhaps, in their pursuit of love, these women are drawn to the challenge that a bad boy presents. There’s a thrill in the idea of softening him by using the famous nurse syndrome. This looks like stepping into a whole project for sure. There is just one issue: people cannot be changed, and I would have a tendency to say that this kind of men have such a high degree of self confidence that they are the hardest to influence.

The solution, then, is not to alter one’s life priorities, but to find a partner whose values align more closely with yours. Seek someone with similar traditional principles who will consider your investment in the relationship as important as his own involvement. Different roles but same consideration to reach a balance.

Dark feminine energy in relationships

Complying with the academic system, finding a job with decent pays, setting up goals and career plans for their future… their life seems to be under control since they are born. However, they are also struggling in dating and quite often attract a specific kind of wrong guy: the mama’s boy. He could be described as a (too) nice and supportive man who often lack some independence, living with his parents without career targets or financial savings and frequently overly emotional. They are somehow lacking (traditional) masculinity. But why are girl bosses attracted by mama’s boys?

These women exude a kind of femininity – one that's bold, assertive, and fiercely independent, leaving little room for doubt or hesitation. It's the archetype of a "femme fatale", playing with “dark feminine energy”, previously considered as "masculine energy". Psychological studies use both terms interchangeably.

While building their career, girls look for a partner who won’t disturb their plans or influence them negatively. They are still building self-confidence so when it comes to relationships, they seek for a partner who can match their strength with tenderness, someone who isn't threatened by their ambition. As a woman, it feels like you are the intellectual strength and your boyfriend is the emotional support.

However, an emotional support doesn’t necessarily mean an ideal partner. He might be able to give relaxation advice from time to time, but he won’t be the one who understand your issues. Because he doesn’t have the same lifestyle, having deep conversation about working opportunities or financial investments is impossible. You spend your time at the office stepping in new projects and signing new clients, while he is still studying chasing the same degree you obtained years ago or at a way younger age. He has developed his emotional mindset more than his career plans, prioritising comfort over hard work. If the balance seems fine on good days, it’s during crisis that solidity of relationships are tested.

After a few years of investment, many women find themselves disillusioned, realizing that their personal projects are leading them nowhere.

If you feel misunderstood or if you have trouble admiring your partner, do you really want to stay in the relationship? Don’t you want the whole cake? The career and the perfect boyfriend. Do you see this guy standing next to you raising your daughter?  Are you already picturing yourself managing the child education and a career in the same time?

Feeling like the only one handling the relationship can only lead to one thing: breaking up. And to be honest, this is just part of life experiences.

So what happened after you dated the classic mama's boy? Well you go for another type of men, as financially independent as you are, able to manage his own emotions, understanding, supportive, giving you a sense of security to help personal developments. You are also supportive and proud of him, cheering each other’s up. Similar goals, without competition.

To conclude this article, let’s take a look at the lessons learned: first of all, being honest with yourself: what do you like and truly want. Trying to fit in the light feminine energy to comply with the traditional values associated to women, or spending hours building a career plan that doesn’t make you happy is useless. Second point, people can’t be changed. If you cannot answer yes to the question “would I marry him if I couldn’t change a single thing about him?” then he’s not the one.

Jane