Does love fade?

Love, with its butterflies and intoxicating chemistry, can feel like the most powerful force in the world. But as relationships progress, that initial passion may diminish, leaving us questioning whether love can truly fade away. In this article, we explore the different stages of love, the challenges couples face, and whether love can endure beyond the initial obsession.

Romantic love can be a complex human emotion and a chemical brain process that forms the foundation of many relationships. The initial stages of love can feel powerful, exciting and deeply meaningful. However, overtime, love may fade in some relationships, even if your partner remains your best friend. Understanding that you no longer love your partner can be perplexing because love encompasses emotions, choices and situations.

Chemically speaking, the early passionate love, which acts as a gateway to attachment differs significantly from the other steps of love. Indeed, passion is driven by a single chemical: dopamine. Dopamine stimulates us to pursue things we desire but do not yet possess (strong word but you get it). It “rewards” us for seeking out new connections, flirting, dating. While the initial buzz of passionate love can be intense and exhilarating, it can be challenging to sustain within a long-term relationship.

Scientific research has identified a path that love often follows:

- Lust

- Attraction

- Attachment

Lust arises when you feel physically attracted to your partner, driven by hormones such as testosterone and estrogen. Many lust connections either fizzle out or remains as “friends with benefits”.

During the stage of romantic attraction you fall in love, constantly thinking about your partner and engaging in frequent communication. Your body experiences the effects of serotonin, norepin norepinephrine, and dopamine. This love stage can make you feel motivated, supported, connected. However, from a biological perspective romantic attraction cannot last.

As love transitions to the attachment stage, commitment comes into play. On the positive side, this is where couples experience a deep emotional connection built on understanding, empathy and care. It goes beyond the initial passion and evolves into a more mature and stable form of love. Partners show genuine concern for each other’s well-being and feel a strong desire to support and develop their relationship.

Compassionate love is characterised by acts of kindness, compassion and selflessness. If the communication and support are balanced, couples in this phase often prioritize mutual growth, shared value and long term commitment.

However, on the other hand, this phase can evoke feelings of fear or hesitation, as it involves obligations and exclusivity. Some individuals may prefer to maintain a sense of freedom or adventure in their relationships, which can make committing more challenging. It's crucial to consider personal preferences and the desire to maintain a certain level of autonomy. Before embarking on commitments like engagement, marriage, or cohabitation, it's essential to assess compatibility and the potential benefits and drawbacks, especially because, sooner or later, you will probably think about building a family and the choice will no longer be yours only.

Around the third year of a relationship, each partner experienced the passionate and compassionate love phases and therefore has a clear overview to make a decision: should I stay or should I leave? Your answer will depend on the balance between advantages and inconvenience this relationship bring to you as an individual. If it requires too many endless efforts you may move on. But sometimes, this balance isn’t clear.

I would like to illustrate this with a personal example that you probably also experienced. As a pretty independent woman, I am not looking for a man because I need it, but because I want it (or not). Therefore, I’m more likely to “lead the relationship” and may risk deceiving myself into believing I have a wonderful connection with someone while I’m feeling the blanks, organising everything and the moment I cannot give that much attention to the relationship and need to be taken care of, he is not there. Either because he doesn’t know how helping or because he is miles away from the life I am living individually and the support he can bring just cannot fit with what I need or want. I genuinely think idealising the partner or the relationship is toxic. Blind love should be avoided.

If you understand that realistic expectations and maintaining pleasure within the relationship are key factors in its longevity, how can love fade?

As time goes by relationships can sometimes experience a fading of love. Love does not fade abruptly or without reason. Often, it occurs when partners no longer meet each other's needs or vision. This common phase can be attributed to various factors such as feeling content when your partner is absent, experiencing inefficient communication, frequent and unhealthy conflicts, different love languages and sexual needs, lack of affection, changing priorities… and no longer envisioning a future together. In such situations, it's essential to express your honest feelings and consider moving on.

Understanding and addressing these issues can help revive or strengthen love within a relationship. Seeking for counselling or different kind of advice can be interesting, but sometimes you also have to accept that love faded for the best. You might reconnect with yourself and learn from your past experience if you want to find someone else that truly understands who you are and let you be yourself 100%.

J.T.